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How to deal with an abusive relationship?

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Those who have lived or living an abusive relationship know what is like getting caught in one. It usually starts with something simple such as which salad one should eat or give up ones dream and take up a more stable job. Initially, these so-called suggestions do not appear harmful and you do as told. You take it as a part of their love and care.

Soon, they turn into a regular affair, that you try to overlook as much as possible. You don’t want to jeopardize a relationship based on the fact they are bossy! You avoid challenging them and try to be more open to their suggestions. With time, these suggestions become more and more critical. If you don’t do as told, the partner becomes angry, manipulative and emotionally draining.

You find yourself bombarded with threats of rejection, abandonment and even a breakup. The cycle becomes so vicious that you are caught up in it, believing everything they say as true. Your wisdom is clouded and you cannot make out the difference between being bossy and being abusive.

Abusive relationship is not a rare instance. Most men and women hide the fact because they lack the courage to expose their personal life to the society and prefer to tolerate the verbal, emotional, mental, physical or sexual torture. Both men and women can be victims of abusive relationships.However, no form of abusive behaviorcan be morally accepted, irrespective of the gender being abused or whoever is indulging in abuses. This is the reason we have come up with some solutions to deal with an abusive relationship.

Analyse reason behind tolerating the abusive relationship

Getting out of a relationship is a lot easier said than done. Therefore, it calls for self introspection. There could be several reasons for you being tolerant towards your spouse’s irrational and lunatic behaviour. It could be financial dependence, you are scared of the social impact of getting separated, you might be bogged down by the guilt feeling of leaving your partner or you may be hoping to see the last ray of hope. Dealing with such kind of relationship issues becomes easier when you can figure out the reason. No matter how grave the matter is, the final decision is yours- i.e. whether you want to move out or wait for things to settle down, which is improbable in many cases.

You must confide in your family or best friend

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You have to speak up! We do not encourage you to discuss and gossip out your personal life to random people, but you must confide in your family (your parents, in laws, siblings) or close friends. This is important primarily because you cannot cover-up for the wrongdoings and tortures that your spouse is inflicting on you and secondly, you certainly need help from a person you can trust upon completely.

There are instances where the victim is merely thrown out of the house out of the blue and has nowhere to go toat midnight. If the same fate falls on you, what would you do then? This is the reason why we insist you to inform people about the things happening in your life. At least you can survive safely on that day and then make further decisions.

Wait for some more time to give a last try to mend your relationship

You should not be guilty of the fact that you didn’t give a try to bridge the gaps. This usually happens when the change is sudden; like you both were sailing smoothly before until your wife or husband got transformed to an abusive, controlling and torturous individual. In those circumstances, you must seek help from a counselor. At times innocent people are victims of psychological challenges, overdose of stress, drug abuse and alcoholism. These issues could be sorted out with proper medical treatment and rehabilitation care, although the process may be time taking. If you can relate to this kind of situation, then it’s worth giving a try before breaking up right away.

Leave, when all limits cross and every try goes in vain

You have left no stone unturned to rebound from the abusive relationship, but everything failed and things went on becoming worse. The ultimate solution is to leave your spouse. You must report to the police if any form of physical or sexual abuse, domestic violence is involved. Take support from your confidants to take this bold step. As they say, tolerating wrong is equal to doing wrong, follow this principle and get out of your maligned relationship. This is the only way to breathe in a normal life again.

Any person can become a victim of domestic violence and abuse. It is not that only certain strata of the society sees such behaviors or abuses, but it can even happen to someone living on Hollywood Boulevard. Be strong yourself and say NO to any form of abuse. Do not stay mum and give more strength to your abuser to abuse you more. Speak up and find a way to escape. Afterall, you do deserve to live with respect.

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Written by: Saptakee sengupta
Date last updated: April 19, 2015

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