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How to break up after a bad sexual experience

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If you are in a relationship and want to break up after a bad sexual experience you can do so in a smart way without hurting feelings. Live-in partners, new or mature relationships, same-sex partners – people in all such relationships can experience a sexual incident or incidents that can lead to a break up.

The problem is breaking up due to bad sex can be embarrassing to discuss and admit. Thinking of a break up due to a sexual experience that has left a very negative impression obviously means that things have gone very wrong. In fact, extreme cases also involve forced sex and being too demanding of sex.

But in trying to break, usually, one partner wants to move on and the other either feels miserable or is angry. In each case confronting the bad sexual encounter and expressing what’s on one’s mind is the only way forward.

 

It’s alright to have a bad sexual experience

The sky won’t fall down if you couldn’t satisfy your partner. If your partner does not like a part of your body, the way you smell, the way you sound during sex, your lack of sexual experience or your desire for sexual experimentation – then there’s no point in blaming each other.

Each person has different sexual habits and behavior. It’s only when you have a bad sexual experience that you get some sort of feedback.

Dating can never give you an idea about how either partner will perform in the bed. So, neither party is at fault if there’s just no sexual chemistry in any particular sexual encounter.

A bad sexual experience can also occur months or years into a relationship as people gather new experiences or a new incident takes place that leaves you hurt.

The problem lies not in the ‘bad’ sexual experience as such. It’s how you think about the experience. If you are a person who likes outdoor sex and suggests this to your girlfriend and she screams back at you, then too bad – it’s a matter of choice. If you ejaculate too soon and are turned off by a flat bosom, then that’s who you are at the moment. If your partner finds it difficult to talk about such issues and doesn’t want to adjust – then a break up could very well be the solution. 

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What to do and say while breaking up due to bad sex

1. As a partner you want to do the right thing, and not part ways as ‘enemies’. You want to try to respect each other’s point of view and still make your point. The problem is your feelings come in the way and thoughts of guilt and frustration take over. Since there’s no getting away from what has taken place avoiding talking about it will not resolve the situation.

2. But first, give each other a chance if a break up can be avoided by taking easy on sex and working out the issues around the bad sexual incident. By not jumping to conclusions you will give yourself a chance to see if lessons can be learnt or whether you still don’t see yourself getting over the incident.

3. You are lucky if you reacted well when the bad sexual experience was taking place as it makes the task of breaking up easier for the other person. If not, you can always say that you reacted on an impulse. Admit and state that one or a few bad experiences are not the end of the world – that maybe it’s time to move on and find other partners.

4. Talk to a close friend or a counselor to get another person’s perspective about the bad sexual experience.  

5. Not reaching an orgasm, the use of a vibrator, performance anxiety and viewing porn are common reasons leading to a bad sexual experience. But all these issues can be worked on. Only an honest discussion can bring about the change that the partners desire.

 

What not to do while breaking up due to bad sex

1. Don’t use mobile text, email message or worse social media posts to convey your decision to break-up. It’s a coward’s way to achieve one’s result. You will probably feel guilty and never get a sense of closure if you don’t face your partner during the break up.

2. Don’t hide the facts. Be clear about exactly what you found offensive or to your dislike in a sexual encounter based on which you want to break up. Hiding or lying about what has taken place will make the break up even more dreadful.

3. Don’t over think and play the incident over and over again as it will make you frustrated, which will make the break up all the more harder.

4. Don’t be judgmental. Not being able to have an erection at some point is a possibility among men for various reasons. For women not being aroused enough during lovemaking is a common occurrence. But if either party starts to play the blame game, then break ups become an angry and bitter affair.

5. ‘Must be you’: Don’t say that you didn’t have the same problem with other people as you will make the other person defensive.

Individuals and couples are unique and have different tastes and preferences. Just as the non-sexual part of a relationship can develop problems so can the sexual part. The key to handling a break up due to a bad sexual experience is being open with the aim to move on.

Written by: Rohit Karir
Date last updated: November 18, 2014